Pineapple Fruitloop Lassiter
by Deranged Black Kitten
Summary: Shawn sneaks home a little creature that ends up having a bigger impact on Carlton than the detective realized. Bit of a tear-jerker. Oneshot/ Shassi/ established relationship


_Hello everyone! This is just a little oneshot I decided to write based after true events. It's a Shassi fic told from Carlton's POV and there's already a long established relationship. Enjoy!_

Lawyers: Our client does not own Psych, nor is she gaining any profit by writing this fic. Don't sue her.

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**Pineapple Fruitloop Lassiter**

I should have known something was up when Shawn came home cradling his arm in a peculiar way with his hand holding the sleeve closed of his jacket. It was summer after all and far too hot to be wearing a jacket. Still, after he assured me that he was fine, I didn't think any more of it, not even when he raced off to our room a minute later. I just shrugged it off as Shawn being Shawn and started making dinner.

I did, however, become more suspicious as the days progressed. Shawn kept sneaking around the house and at times he would even dive into the room to get to something before I could see it. He was definitely hiding something from me, that much was obvious, but despite my detective skills, I could figure out what.

It wasn't until my day off that I discovered what he had been hiding. Due to a private case Shawn had to work on, I had the house to myself, so I had plenty of time to figure out what it was that he was hiding. I didn't even have to look though because his secret came to me.

I had been watching TV at the time, and went into the kitchen to get a drink. While I was rummaging through the fridge for a drink, I suddenly became aware of a slight scratching noise moving across the living room's hardwood floors. My first thought was that we had a rat problem (we had just recently moved in together and weren't aware of all the house's flaws), so I grabbed a broom and headed into the living room ready to defend our territory.

When I entered the living room with the broom raised over my head, I saw some sort of weasel lounging on the couch watching TV and munching on a bowl of popcorn I had made. Seeing the little red sweater it was wearing with a pineapple on the back, I lowered the broom with a sigh and went in search of a box to put it in.

"You got a weasel?" I asked Shawn incredulously when he arrived home that night.

"He's a ferret," Shawn said with a frown before looking around the living room for his furry friend. "Where is he? You didn't hurt him, did you?"

"No," I said. "He's in a box in the bathroom." Trailing after Shawn as he headed to the bathroom, I asked, "Why'd you get a ferret?"

He kneeled down next to the box and, picking up the ferret, he said with a shrug, "I don't know. I just saw him in the pet store and couldn't resist." Holding the ferret up to me, he gushed, "Isn't he adorable? Say 'hi' to Daddy, Pineapple!"

"Pineapple?"

That figures.

Shawn nodded, "Pineapple Fruitloop Lassiter."

Ridiculously enough, I was flattered by the little rodent's name, but that didn't get rid of the fact that I was anything but an animal person. Between vet bills, food, supplies (and knowing Shawn, clothes) they were a big waste of money. They made a mess of everything, they use your entire home as a bathroom, they bite, and they're smelly (ferrets especially, from what I've heard). Yet as I watched Shawn pet the little rodent and cuddle it in his arms, I couldn't find it in myself to take that happiness away from him.

So Pineapple Fruitloop Lassiter became a member of our household. He would lounge with us on the bed right before we went to sleep, he'd play with his toys on the living room floor while we watched TV, he'd even eat his ferret food on either the coffee table or the kitchen table when we ate. When we were busy, Pineapple would run around the house in a giant hamster ball that he loved to ram into me with. Shawn dressed the rodent everyday in a little shirt and gave him baths in the sink.

To avoid stepping on Pineapple's little '_presents_,' I set up a litter box in the bathroom, but Pineapple didn't seem to understand the concept. Instead of going _in_ the litter box, he would go along the outside of the box and of course I was left to clean it up afterward.

The ferret ended up being just as messy as I thought he would be, and I ended up cleaning a lot more than I cared to. I would clean the counters and take showers numerous times a day as well as doing the laundry more times than was normal. Still, it all seemed worth it when I would come home from wherever I had been to see Shawn pretty much rolling around on the floor with the ferret. Between the two of our jobs, I suspected that he got lonely sometimes.

Then things took a turn for the worse.

I raced home after receiving a panicked call from Shawn, and when I got there I saw Shawn pacing the living room with the rodent cradled in his arms and a concerned look on his face. He walked over to me as soon as he saw me and said, "I think he's sick. He's been sluggish this morning and he didn't even want to get up after his nap."

I looked down at the ferret and could tell right away that he did seem to lack his usual energy. He didn't even have the strength to lift his head to look at me.

"He does look a little under the weather," I admitted.

"I called the vet," Shawn said, looking up at me. "I need you to drive me though. I can't take him on the bike."

So we drove down to the vet and Pineapple had to be taken in for some tests and overnight observation. Shawn wasn't too thrilled about that and aside from one syllable answers, he was silent for the rest of the night. We didn't hear anything in the morning and had to go to work wondering. Not that I cared about the little rodent, I was really just concerned for Shawn's sake. He loved that furry slinky for some reason.

As it neared the end of the work day, Shawn came and dragged me home earlier than usual. There was only one message waiting for us on the answering machine when we got home and it was worse than I thought.

Cancer.

There was nothing that could be done and the vet's only suggestion was to euthanize him. Shawn called up the vet and declined the offer before taking my car to go pick Pineapple up. I slumped down on the couch after he left and sighed. I didn't really care about the ferret, but I knew something like this would devastate Shawn. He had grown so attached to the animal over the past several months.

'_Damn smelly rodent._'

Shawn came home a little while later with Pineapple in his carrier and some pain medicine that would ease the creature's suffering. Unable to think of anything to say, I just sat there and watched him bring the ferret into our bedroom. Somehow I didn't think the fact that he could probably get a refund on the animal would be of much comfort to him. Pulling myself to my feet, I walked into the room after him.

Shawn was laying on our bed, petting the ferret that was curled up on his stomach. I sat down on the bed next to Shawn with my feet up and watched him while absentmindedly petting the ferret myself.

"It's not fair," Shawn mumbled under his breath and I nodded in agreement.

"What do you want to do?" I asked him.

"Nothing," he said, and after a long moment of silence, he added, "A part of me hopes that maybe the vet got it wrong and.. he'll get better."

We stayed like that for the rest of the night, neither of us saying too much or even sleeping for that matter. Just dozing occasionally. The next morning, Shawn decided he didn't want to leave Pineapple alone and called up Gus to tell him he was taking some time off from Psych. He insisted that I go to work though, so I left after promising to get out of work early. I didn't care if the ferret was left alone, but I was worried about Shawn being left alone too long with the sick animal.

The next week went on like this with Shawn staying home and me leaving for work only to come home early. As each day progressed, Pineapple got sicker and sicker to the point where he could barely move himself and had to be hand-fed, but even after that, Shawn couldn't bare to put the animal to sleep.

One morning we were awoken by a call from Gus. Apparently Psych had been broken into and he needed Shawn to come down and help sort things out.

"Do you want me to come?" I asked as Shawn raced around the house, grabbing his things to go.

"No, I need you to stay here and watch Pineapple," he said as he grabbed his helmet. "He needs to be fed this morning. I showed you how to do that, remember?"

"Yeah," I said nodding. "I'll handle it, don't worry."

He raced out the door and I closed it behind him with a mental groan. I loved Shawn, but I really didn't want to have to take care of the smelly, sick creature who has bitten me on more than one occasion. He didn't exactly have control of his bowel functions either, so that was another thing to worry about.

I called up the station to tell them I wouldn't be in today. Considering how many sick days I had saved up, it wasn't an issue.

After mixing some of the medicine together with the liquid food we previously bought, I brought the mixture and a dropper into the bedroom where Pineapple was resting. He watched me blearily as I gently picked him up and wrapped him up in a fleece blanket. After getting settled on the bed, I sucked up some of the food in the dropper and held it to Pineapple's tiny mouth. He only had one dropper full before deciding he was done and sluggishly shifted his head away.

"You've been such a pain the entire time I've known you, you realize that," I told him. "Shawn's going to really miss you though."

After a bit of struggling, he dragged himself out of the fleece blanket and curled up on my lap.

"No, no. Just stay in your blanket," I said as I wrapped him up once again.

Pineapple wasn't having any of that though and pulled himself out of the blanket cocoon and back onto my lap, curling up and resting his furry little head against my stomach. Sighing, I laid the blanket over the both of us and let him stay there. It wasn't like he was doing any harm. He shifted his head against my stomach to look up at me and heaved a sigh through his little pink nose.

"You're not so bad," I mumbled as I pet him on the head with one finger. "Smelly, not very clean, but you make Shawn happy... You are kind of cute."

He stared up at me a moment longer before closing his eyes and falling asleep. It wasn't long before I too fell asleep with my back rested up against the bed's headboard... Shawn woke me up around dinner time and told me that everything at Psych was taken care of. I got up and made dinner while Shawn fed Pineapple and the three of us sat at the kitchen table together, just enjoying each other's company.

The very next day, it happened. I didn't even know about it until I got home from work and found Shawn sitting on the living room couch with all the lights off. I called over to him, asking if he was okay, but he didn't say anything.

I slowly walked over to him and when I sat down next to him, I saw him cradling a very still ferret with one arm while petting it with his free hand. Reaching over, I rested a few fingers on Pineapple's back, but could feel no sign of breathing or a heartbeat.

"Shawn-"

"He's just sleeping," he interrupted with a monotonous whisper.

"He's been sick for a long time now, you know," I murmured quietly. "It's better for him this way."

He stared straight ahead, looking at neither me nor Pineapple, and silently continued to pet the ferret's still form. I put a hand on his shoulder for support and he stopped his petting. Gently, I took Pineapple from Shawn's limp hold and laid the ferret down on the coffee table. Grabbing the fleece blanket that lay forgotten on the floor, I draped it over Pineapple as if he really was just sleeping.

With that done, the damn broke and Shawn launched into my arms and buried his face into my chest. Wrapping him up in my arms, I rubbed my hand against his back soothingly as he sobbed against my chest.

We had a funeral a few days later; it was a good way for Shawn to get closure. Henry built a ferret-sized coffin for the occasion and Juliet and Gus brought carnations with them. I dug the hole and we laid the coffin inside. Shawn said a few words in Pineapple's honor and then it was my turn to talk.

"Pineapple was.. a ferret," I said, not really knowing what to say. "He was smelly. He made a mess of things... never really learned how to use the litter box. He liked to sneak up on me in his hamster ball and ram into the back of my legs. Then I'd chase him and he'd always hide behind Shawn. Kind of our thing... but he was a good ferret. He was.. cute... with his little pink nose."

That's when I realized that I bonded with the damn rodent. I didn't want to, I wasn't an animal person (though I did like horses. Guess ferrets are added to the list), but it still happened. When I knew that Pineapple had no hope of surviving, I bonded with him.

"I'll miss him," I sighed.

Stupid ferret...

..That night, I lay next to Shawn in bed with my arms wrapped around him. He had been pretty quiet since the funeral, so I was just trying to be there. A strong shoulder to lean on. It wasn't until midnight that he pushed back from me a little and spoke:

"Carlton.. I want to have kids."

**Fin**

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Dedicated to Yoda Fruitloop**  
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May he rest in peace.

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_That's the end of this story. I won't be continuing it any further than this, so you'll just have to leave the rest up to your imagination. _

_Reviews are appreciated._


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